Funny and garden related stuff

Things that drive your landscape gardener

crazy

We’ve all heard the stories about cowboy landscapers....... But what about the customers from hell? The timewasters, late-payers, mind-changers, micro-managers and feuding couples who put the poor old landscaper in the middle. This is how not to be that customer. Bazig Mooiebloemen discusses things to avoid if you want your landscaper to stay on side. MORE

My soil is very poor and my lawn is all worn and patchy what can I do?

You could take advice from green-lawn-man. Every neighbourhood has one, he's the guy in love with his hosepipe and box of chemicals, or......DO THIS

Wine thyme

on a Chamomile Lawn

When you feel tired and low wander into your garden with a bottle or two of red wine. Close the gate and shut the world out for a while. MORE

Where have all

the butterflies gone?

Was it the China Virus? No even worse than that. The wildflower meadows that were their homes, and the wildflower nectar that was their food have all gone. What can the PM do? Nothing son, he has got his hands full with keeping himself and us safe.

BUT wait a moment, flowerpotman has got a good idea, their is something we can do son! we have got a lot of time on our hands at the moment. We could grow our own wild flower meadow in our lawn!

Please Mum lets do it, flowerpotman says it is easy to grow a wildflower lawn

What is living the simple life?

Living the simple life mean means different things to different people.

So I asked a few people what it meant to them

Their Answers are here

I could not resist showing you this one right away

I asked a long-term unemployed father of ten I built a patio for at his council house, how he lived the simple life.

"The British benefit system" he proudly said!

On the council estate he lives, he and many other families seem to have found the answer to how to live the simple life ...

You won't need a nest egg, have to win the lottery, grow your own or go to work.

They have

people carriers with disabled badges.
an endless supply of ready cooked fast food.
the latest fashion in tracky bottoms and trainers.
wide-screen curved TV sets with sky discs on almost every house.
An endless supply of free replacement windows and plastic doors or a very quick repair service every time they get kicked in.
a collection service for surplus furniture dumped on the front garden.
endless supplies of lager cans and cigarettes, they love Marcus Rashford! although the kids never seemed to be at school.
taxis to Tesco.
they seem to enjoy a lotta late nights and late late mornings
two or three holidays in Benidorm or similar hot tacky place every year.

I did feel a bit sorry for him after noticing he suddenly developed a bad back if I asked him to hold the wheelbarrow steady while I shoveled stuff into it, also noticed he needed a walking stick to go and open the front door when the bell rang, especially, if thru the peephole, the visiter looked official

I am glad though that I asked to be paid up-front for the work. He paid in cash.

The old Somerset landscape gardener

He had two large patio builders buckets, each hung on the ends of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the buckets was a bit rusty and had a crack in it, while the other bucket was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water.

At the end of the often long walks from the water tap to the cement mixer, the cracked bucket arrived only half full. This went on over the many years of building gardens in North Somerset,with the landscape gardener tipping only one and a half pots of water into the cement mixer. Of course, the perfect builders bucket was proud of its accomplishments.
But the poor cracked bucket was ashamed of its own imperfection and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been paid to do.

One day during a trip to get water for the latest job in Clevedon, following years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, the cracked builders bucket said to Mike "I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to the cement mixer"

Mike smiled and said: "Did you notice that there were always flowers growing on your side of the paths we built, but not on the other bucket's side?" he went on, "That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path and every day while we walked back, you watered them."

The old landscape gardener went on: "For all these years I have been thanked by our clients in Clevedon, who long after we have loaded up our truck and gone, have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate there homes.

Without you being just the way you are, the flowers could not have grown and made our customers extra happy with our work, and we would not have had so many of the recommendations that have helped keep us working, even through these tough times"
Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding

A read for rainy days

In fairy tales, there is always a Prince Charming and a bad man. Sometimes in real life, Prince Charming is the bad man, or the bad man turns out to be Prince Charming.
Please be aware, this is not a fairy tale. This book contains references to grooming gangs, sexual abuse, Gaslighting, and punishment of the abusers. Also NON-WOKE scrutiny of British society.
A dark story of gaslighting, sexual abuse, retribution, and hope. Based on the author's conversations with Willow, a young girl hidden from Society, and with Richard an ex-soldier now working for a covert agency The Organisation. This book tells how Richard confronts those in authority blocking Willow from the therapy she needs to escape from them and recover, he’s aware of the consequences. But having ignored evil too often, he’s ready for the risks.

CLICK LINK FOR FREE READ SAMPLE Kindle version Paperback

flowerpotman.com